Something to cheer up a wet, wild and windy Bank Holiday Monday: lurid splashes of colour in a plateful of home counties Chinese food hot-footed to the door. This Kandinskyesque car crash of a palette is Menu A, consisting of (clockwise from top): Kung Po Pork, Chicken with Mixed Vegetables, Beef with Oyster sauce and Special Fried Rice (I’ll never understand what’s so special about it) and at 10 o’clock we see an extra of my perennial fave: Singapore Fried Noodles.
My truly favourite dish, on which I could gladly subsist, is to be found only at the wonderful Wong Kei on Wardour Street in London’s Soho: Fried Kwai Du. Made with fresh wide rice noodles and lots of chillies, for £3.80 it puts all those timidly spiced and overly oily vermicelli wannabes to shame. Only the Wong Kei doesn’t deliver to Kent – or anywhere for that matter.
Missing from the picture are the comet-like Crispy Fried Won Tons (too quickly snarfed) and a battering ram of a Spring Roll which I wisely passed to Mr T: it rendered him prostrate for the remainder of the day. It’s nice that complimentary prawn crackers and fortune cookies are becoming de rigeur, but whatever happened to the pithy motto? This has to be the wordiest ever:
The delivery boy was our only visitor and hardly unexpected, but I do like chillies.
Gastroplod 
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